Bolton Ferret Welfare

Behind The Wire #06

Wotcha, mates. Yer old mate Fred Ferret back wiv yer again and feelin' tickety boo at this luvverly time o' year. Oi likes a bit of the old sun on me back in the summer months, an' I expect you're the same. Mind you, mustn't overdo it, must we? Wot wiv all them 'ealth warnins abaht sunburn, an' skin cancer an' 'eatstroke and Gawd knows wot else. We ferrets 'ave to go a bit easy in the 'ot weather, specially those young geezers wiv all that fur. I'm goin' a bit thin on top mesself, these days but wot really bovvers me is when the ol' jill comes out onto the patyo when I'm sun-bathin', an' squirts that 'orrible sun cream all over me. Cor, blimey it sticks all me fur dahn an' makes me look like one of them Teddy Boys. Last year it took me till November to get that stuff out of me coat

Nah then. Wot abaht the Queen's Golden Jubilee, eh? Wot a right knees up we 'ad down this neck o' the woods to celebrate Her Majesty's 50 years on the throne (blimey, that's a long time, mates). Party? I thought we'd never stop. There were flags put all round me fam'ly's ferret court, we 'ad lots of songs (played by Bryan Ferret & Foxy Music) and loads to drink an' eat. I don't mind telling you. I've bin nursin' one of the best 'angovers I've ever 'ad, Mind you, the taste of barbecued complete ferret food takes a bit o' getting used to - and just might 'ave 'ad somefing to do wiv the way I felt the next day. Anyway a wunnerful time woz 'ad by one an' all and I wish Good Queen Bess lots of 'ealth and 'appiness for the future.

Yer might 'ave missed this little gem of information. If yer don't read every single word of the Sunday papers - an' let's face it, they're huge these days aren't they? They must 'ave to cut down half a forest to make each one and by the time you've carried the bloomin' fing 'ome you're too tired to read it. Anyroad, there was this litt'ul article I spotted ('cos I'm a bit of nosy character, between you an' me) last weekend. There's this writer geezer, see, called Richard Bach. American 'e is, see. Now, yer might or might not 'ave 'eard of him, but 'e wrote a book called Jonathan Livingstone Seagull. It was all abaht well, a seagull. But the thing is, this Bach geezer sold 36 million of these books. Thirty-six million!! That's more than the number of ferrets on me wife's side of the fam'ly! Anyway, the point is this bloke is just abaht to bring out 'is latest book which is a story all abaht - ferrets. Yeah! And I reckon if it's as successful as the first book, we ferrets could suddenly become real famous and even more popular than we are already. So watch this space, an' if you 'appen to find yerself down the ol' library or W.H. Smiffs, why not 'ave a look round to see if they've got it. Yer never know, it could be a best-seller by Chrismas.

Fred

See yer next issue, mates.

Fred

(From Ferrets First - June/July 2002 - #06)

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