Maisy: I'm Christmas shopping on-line this year. All the best people do. Designer clothing ordered from the comfort of home. No one does the High Street any more.
Daisy: I am too.
Maisy: You are too what dear? I do wish you wouldn't interupt.
Daisy: Christmas shopping from the comfort of home.
Maisy: The only thing you've got on-line duck, is your smalls.
Daisy: I've got catalogues.
Maisy: Well dear, you always were more Bettaware than Ready-to-Wear. I expect you could do with a new dustpan and brush. It's the festival season, treat yourself. I myself personally have ordered a designer collar and walking suit in grape. Very chic. Very Liz Hurley. That sounds like the doorbell now. My, what fancy paper. I'll just unwrap it...Eeeeek!
Daisy: It's mauve.
Maisy: It looked grape on-line.
Daisy: If you want grape you should go on-vine. He! He! Absolutely no one does mauve. But, hey! Dare to be different. Whatever floats your boat, sister!
Maisy: Shut up. I expect it'll be grape in daylight. It's the ghastly colour of this room that makes it look mauve. Redecorating the boudoir in peach Anaglypta was your choice I recall. That's the doorbell again. I expect your dustpan and brush has arrived. Did you go for duck egg blue or a daring acid lime?
Daisy: It's my Harrods hamper actually. From their Christmas catalogue. I think I'll have quail's eggs and foie gras for tea. What have you got in?
Maisy: Les sausages et pommes mushay.
Daisy: Bangers and mash? Well, tuck in, duck.
Maisy: With a little torn basil and a drizzle of virgin olive oil, it will be more than acceptable. Dijon mash is so very 'lunch in Knightsbridge'.
Daisy: I'll have it. I'll swap you.
Maisy: OK duck, here's the ketchup. Pass the fat grass.
Daisy: No, I'll swap the mauve walking suit.
Maisy: What! For one of your lycra shell suits! Fat chance, duck! Your entire wardrobe is so-oooo Barbie meets Eighties barbecue. Anyway, it wouldn't fit you. You've no shape. It's for the more queenly figure.
Daisy: It says XXL. That's fat bird size.
Maisy: They must have sent the wrong one.
Daisy: Never mind duck. You want to make a big impression. This is YOUR fat chance!
(From Ferrets First - December/January 2002/3 - #09)