Bolton Ferret Welfare

maisy and daisy

MAISY: I'm going to get loads of Valentine cards. I'm a cultural acorn.

DAISY: Icon.

MAISY: You can what duck? I keep telling you not to interrupt. Now I've lost my flow. Oh, yes. I'm a big name now. A romantic star. Like Kate Winslet in Titanic.

DAISY: More like Kate Winceyette in that thing. But it does say 'Titanic' to me. What is it?

MAISY: It's my new designer house robe in soft coral and light pistachio.

DAISY: What happened to grape then?

MAISY: Grape! Pleeease! No one does grape any more! My close friend Ivy Ferret advised me to go for chic and understated. We were lunching in an expensive little restaurant, enjoying a glass of chablis, when Ivy leaned forward, 'Maisy', she said....

DAISY: '...why do you go about looking like a Ground Force deckchair....?'

MAISY: Shut up, duck. She didn't say that at all. She said my grape walking suit was extremely eye-catching...

DAISY: It's all of that.

MAISY: ...but that I should cultivate a more romantic look, with subtle colours and flowing lines. I myself personally had already decided that my wardrobe needed a tinsy little revamp. Ivy was just giving a word to the wise.

DAISY: Was someone else there then?

MAISY: But my new image is quite lost round here. That horrid Goldi sniggered at my robe when I fetched in the milk. It's awful to have such common neighbours. Colour telly downstairs, no nets upstairs. I saw you talking to her. I hope you put her right about what the well-dressed jill is wearing this spring. All fur coat and no knickers, that's what she is.

DAISY: I see Ivy's published her diary.

MAISY: Yes. Well. I myself personally was thinking along the same lines. Jottings Of A North Yorkshire Lady.

DAISY: Mrs Dales' Diary, more like.

MAISY: With perhaps some watercolour sketches.

DAISY: Heaven help us!

MAISY: What's that, duck?

DAISY: The post. Look, a card for you.

MAISY: Gimme it here. Well really! How vulgar!

DAISY: Let me see:

'Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your bathrobe is crazy, and so are you.
You think you're so chic, but your wardrobe's a farce,
Your ego is big and so is your....'

MAISY: ...Lemme have it. It'll be from them next door. Look, I can see her laughing

DAISY: Let it go, duck. Your cultural acorns will just have to learn to leaf with it!

(From Ferrets First - February/March 2003 - #10)

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