MAISY: I'm going to get loads of Valentine cards. I'm a cultural acorn.
MAISY: You can what duck? I keep telling you not to interrupt. Now I've lost my flow. Oh, yes. I'm a big name now. A romantic star. Like Kate Winslet in Titanic.
DAISY: More like Kate Winceyette in that thing. But it does say 'Titanic' to me. What is it?
MAISY: It's my new designer house robe in soft coral and light pistachio.
DAISY: What happened to grape then?
MAISY: Grape! Pleeease! No one does grape any more! My close friend Ivy Ferret advised me to go for chic and understated. We were lunching in an expensive little restaurant, enjoying a glass of chablis, when Ivy leaned forward, 'Maisy', she said....
DAISY: '...why do you go about looking like a Ground Force deckchair....?'
MAISY: Shut up, duck. She didn't say that at all. She said my grape walking suit was extremely eye-catching...
DAISY: It's all of that.
MAISY: ...but that I should cultivate a more romantic look, with subtle colours and flowing lines. I myself personally had already decided that my wardrobe needed a tinsy little revamp. Ivy was just giving a word to the wise.
DAISY: Was someone else there then?
MAISY: But my new image is quite lost round here. That horrid Goldi sniggered at my robe when I fetched in the milk. It's awful to have such common neighbours. Colour telly downstairs, no nets upstairs. I saw you talking to her. I hope you put her right about what the well-dressed jill is wearing this spring. All fur coat and no knickers, that's what she is.
DAISY: I see Ivy's published her diary.
MAISY: Yes. Well. I myself personally was thinking along the same lines. Jottings Of A North Yorkshire Lady.
DAISY: Mrs Dales' Diary, more like.
MAISY: With perhaps some watercolour sketches.
DAISY: Heaven help us!
MAISY: What's that, duck?
DAISY: The post. Look, a card for you.
MAISY: Gimme it here. Well really! How vulgar!
DAISY: Let me see:'Roses are red, violets are blue,
Your bathrobe is crazy, and so are you.
You think you're so chic, but your wardrobe's a farce,
Your ego is big and so is your....'
MAISY: ...Lemme have it. It'll be from them next door. Look, I can see her laughing
DAISY: Let it go, duck. Your cultural acorns will just have to learn to leaf with it!
(From Ferrets First - February/March 2003 - #10)