Bolton Ferret Welfare

maisy and daisy

MAISY: Shove in, duck. That silver's got her beady eye on the black halter neck. Mutton dressed as lamb, she is just wait 'till you see me in it. Why don't you push harder?

DAISY: Why indeed?

MAISY: The summer sales attract such a common class of jill. I myself personally prefer the luxery of a personal shopper. This vulgar scrummage is so not me. Go on, grab it! Stand on their paws! Use your elbows, duck. Gotcha! I'll look well cool in this.

DAISY: It's a little skimpy.

MAISY: Nonsense. Come on. Barge in! That backless Miss Sixty top's got my name on it. Gerroff. Mine!

DAISY: It's size eight.

MAISY: So? The trouble with you, dear, is that you don't dare to be different. You have no 'wow' factor. You're so very Eighties C&A. Be chic. Think Effel Tower not Clocktower. Hey! Look at those three polecats in Menswear! Let's wend our way. I need a tie.

DAISY: A tie?

MAISY: Well, shoelaces then. They're so suave in those wrap-around shades and black suits. Real star quality. I look at them and think...

DAISY: ...Reservoir Dogs from Milletts.

MAISY: Hmm. I see what you mean, duck. Maybe I don't need those cufflinks after all. Let's try Lingerie. I love the sales...excitement and bustle...great bargains...buzz of the crowd...happy jostle...quite tiring...aching feet...feet inviting...must sit down. This in-store brassiere's quite classy. Mine's a coffee.

DAISY: One cup or two?

MAISY: Don't be daft, duck.

DAISY: You've bought lots of lovely things.

MAISY: I have natural style and inane good taste. And I always get my value for money's woth. Don't worry. We'll go to C&A next.

DAISY: They're obsolete.

MAISY: All the more reason why you should shop there. We'll soon kit you out. That was a joke. KIT you out!

DAISY: Talking of kits, two have just pinched one of your carrier bags.

MAISY: Oy! Come back here you little b*****s!

DAISY: Watch out! The waiter....

MAISY: Eeeeek!

DAISY: Well, duck, you're wearing at least two cups

(From Ferrets First - August/September 2003 - #13)

Articles from Ferrets First
Homepage