Bolton Ferret Welfare

maisy and daisy

MAISY: Yippee! The tree's arrived. Pour us another glass, duck, and get the Christmas box out. The festive trimmings are going to be gold with an accent of red this year. Very understated. No one does garish any more. Just tasteful gold baubles and scarlet bows.

DAISY: I like tinsel.

MAISY: Nonsense, dear. It's very vulgar. Country Living readers don't do tinsel. It's all American folk art or discreet minimalism this year. I myself personally...

DAISY: Oh look, here's my Blue Peter advent crown. That's got lots of tinsel on it.

MAISY: Pass it over, duck, I'll whang it in the understairs cupboard. Remember, I have a drinks party tonight. Just a few select guests. I don't want you lowering the tone with your tat. You're going out, aren't you?


MAISY: That's the doorbell. Oh, what a lovely parcel. It'll be a gift from one of my London friends. A little something from Harvey Nicks perhaps. I'll just take the tinsiest peek...Uuurrrk!?!!

DAISY: Wow! It's a Billy Bass. Look, there's a card with it. 'I saw this and I thought of you. Happy Crimble, Goldi.'

MAISY: Get rid of it!

DAISY: I like it.

MAISY: That Goldi's so common. I thought her move south might elevate her a tad socially but, clearly she's still stood firmly on the bottom rung. I need another snifter. Get us a port and lemon, duck, and make it a large one. And stop playing with that bloody fish!

DAISY: Come on, let's do the tree. I'll get up the stepladder and you hand me the decorations.

MAISY: No way, duck. You'll botch it. Lemme climb up.

DAISY: You're a bit unsteady.

MAISY: Shurrup and pass the stuff up here. There we are. Quite the tone poem. Now all we need is a gold star for the top. I'll just reach over.

DAISY: Do be careful.

MAISY: Stop joggling the flaming ladder, duck.

DAISY: I'm not. Do steady on up there.

MAISY: Ooooohhhh! Errrrr!

DAISY: Look out!

MAISY: Eeeek! Aaaaahhhhhhh! Oww!

DAISY: There you go, duck, another starring roll!

(From Ferrets First - December/January 2003/4 - #15)

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