MAISY: Shove the cauldron into the corner, duck, and get the pumpkin lanterns set out. I love a good Hallowe'en party and mine is always a most superior do.
DAISY: Isn't that Mrs Weasel dusting the conservatory?
MAISY: Too right, duck. I've reinstated the old bag. I need a menial to clear up after my party and I chanced on her outside John Lewis. It would have to be outside really. The Weasels couldn't possibly afford to shop in there.They dress head to toe at Matalan. I myself personally...
DAISY: ...Yes. About Mrs Weasel.
MAISY: Well, the whole family looked even more ghastly than usual. Vulgar and quite down at heel, And there's Brooklyn the new baby as well as Kylie now. And Christmas is coming up...
DAISY: You'r not such a bad old stick really.
MAISY: Leave it out, duck. If Mrs W and clan didn't spend so much of their welfare cash on common clothes they might shift a tad better. Kylie's white fake fur jacket and slapper handbag looked brand new. In fact, they could probably have taken them back. I did suggest it. And talking of sticks, arrange these besoms tastefully round the room. And for God's sake mind they're propped up securely. Mrs Fitch-Sandy tripped catastrophically over a stray broomstick at my last soiree.
DAISY: ...and catapulted her hot punch into the cauldron; a memorable moment at an otherwise...
MAISY: ...Yes, all right. Don't even go there, duck it. It was terribly embarrassing. Her witch's hat got bent in two and her ghoul mask was well crumpled. She couldn't bring herself to wear it for the rest of the evening.
DAISY: Did anyone notice its removal?
MAISY: That's not very charitable, duck. Mrs F-S may be no oil painting but at least she has wealth, style and social cachet. Unlike some folks I could mention. Oh, hi Mrs W. Have you finished in there? Can you put your fag out when you do the kitchen, duck? And preferably not in the hummus dip this time.
DAISY: Let's try out the bubble machine for the cauldron.
MAISY: OK, duck. It's cost a a fortune to hire and I want my value for money's worth.
DAISY: I'll switch it on.
MAISY: No, gerroff. I'll do it.
DAISY: The plug is right at the back.
MAISY: I'll just lean across. There it goes.
DAISY: Wow! Coloured bubbles!
MAISY: Whoops! Help!
DAISY: Hubble bubble toil and trouble! Never mind, duck, you like creating a stir.
(From Ferrets First - October/November 2004 - #20)